Self Discovery: The Introvert

At my ripe age of 28, I have been viciously researching what makes me tick. It sounds funny when I word it that way, but it’s true. I have been taking personality tests, reading more, and taking time to really focus on my thoughts and my reactions/emotions to different situations. This is what has come up and proven true thus far:

I am an INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging) according to the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test. Countless characteristics ring true for me. Here are a few:

  • creative
  • insightful
  • inspiring
  • convincing
  • decisive
  • determined
  • passionate
  • altruistic
  • sensitive
  • private
  • perfectionist
  • enigmatic
  • introspective
  • burn out easily
  • introverted

There is obviously more to this list than mentioned above but these in and of themselves are me. Some more so than others, for instance, my creativity comes to me in dreams. That is it. I have not found a way to harness my creative side in a while and I blame my job. So there. But the thing is that my job is not the career path that I want. Though I hate it, I am grateful for the years it has given me and the skills I can list on my resume. Besides the fact that I can put administrative and clerical experience on my resume, this job is nothing more than that, a job. I love helping animals and seeing my clients but the fact is I hate what I do. I don’t want to be a glorified paper pusher that is simply doing my duties because they’re outlined on my daily checklist. I need more, I need meaning, I need to be making a difference somehow. And has difficult as my job is, and where it is (Veterinary Hospital), I am not making a difference. I am keeping records up to date and covering my doctor’s ass.

I like that these personality tests reinforce that what I think of myself is what someone else thinks too. I shouldn’t care what others think, I know I know, but literally, this is what I need to hear, or read. That on paper, I am who I think I am. And it’s normal and okay. I can be introverted and a perfectionist and not feel like a recluse for wanting to stay home after a 12 hour day. I can be a sensitive sally and cry when I see a YouTube video about a dog finding his perfect home after living on the streets. And I am an enigma! What an amazing realization! If I am an enigma to others, hey, it’s totally fine that I am to myself as well. I don’t know who I am or what I am doing or should be doing or feeling or saying or thinking…and this is a daily, minute by minute thing. I am constantly trying to figure my shit out so good luck to those who are too.

On the career path aspect of all of this, as an INFJ, The Counselor, the career paths I should be looking into, according to the test, are things like therapist, teacher, social worker, life coach, and…WRITER! A fucking writer! This is the one that pops up continuously in every single article, meme, photo, list, whatever, and it stands out like a neon sign in Bikini Bottom, Rock Bottom. Write. Write. Write. Why aren’t you writing? This is telling you to write, be a writer. SO. I am writing. It’s the hardest part, writing. What will I write? Where will I write? WHAT will I write?!!

I am writing what I can, where I can, about what I am thinking. I am an introverted, decisive, meaning oriented, seeker of harmony and growth. I am in need of a path and direction, hopefully my rant of self discovery chapter one was entertaining.

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